I Don’t Want to Lose Weight

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I don’t want to lose weight.

For the past year I have been on a serious roller coaster when it comes to my body. I gave birth to beautiful baby boy. I’ve lost weight and gained some back. I’ve had periods of not exercising at all, and then I would exercise so hard that I now have multiple injuries as a result. This whole year I have had so many moments of hating my body. Why was it so hard for me to get back in shape? I found every excuse, and they were all legitimate. I blamed genetics, I blamed myself for not breastfeeding enough, I blamed pain, I blamed my low testosterone levels, I blamed sleep deprivation. You name it, I blamed it.

While I was blaming my body for everything. I treated my body as if I was punishing it. It wasn’t until very recently that I realized that hating my body was the thing that was holding me back from losing weight. I took a deep look at myself and realized how much my body has done for me. Really, my body is amazing. It gave me Jack. Yes, my body is hurting, and yes, I have some scars. But instead of punishing my body, I need to reward it. The pain and scars are not results of my body failing me. Quite the opposite. They are reminders that my body has fought… and WON. My body is a result of all this life has thrown at me. My body has created a child, and then helped him into the world. So why have I been hell-bent on blaming my body for what I saw as failures? It’s like blaming a soldier for coming home with battle-scars.

It’s been an eye-opening experience to change my perspective. It’s only now that I’m realizing that instead of punishing my body, I need to love my body. To heal it. To restore it. I now understand that health comes from loving my body, not hating it.

Why do we put such an emphasis on weight? I think it’s easy for us to fixate on that as a goal because it is a number. It’s quantifiable. It’s much easier to say “I want to be 130 pounds” than “I want to just feel good about myself.” It’s much easier to reach a goal that can be represented by a number, than by an idea, even if that idea is so much more important in the long run.

A few years ago, I lost a lot of weight. I was thinner than I had been in a long time. I worked by butt off, working out over an hour a day and eating great. I was 150 pounds, but I felt amazing and looked great.

One night I went to the ER because of chest pain. I was in the waiting room for a really long time, just waiting there, hurting while I tried to breathe, and one of the nurses comes over to me and gets my vitals and asks for my height and weight. I tell him I weight 150 pounds and the guy’s jaw literally drops and responds with an incredulous “Really?!” It was so rude and one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Here I was, in a waiting room filled with people, and this nurse is questioning my weight. I don’t know if he was just surprised by my weight because I looked lighter than 150, or he was just surprised I weighed so much, but either way… it was a kick in the gut. (BTW, my chest pain wasn’t anything serious).

After that, I was very self-conscious. I was ashamed of my weight, even though I felt great about it before. I had worked so hard to get to where I was, and because of someone’s judgement, I questioned my confidence.

There is something wrong with how we view health. Weight is not an indication of health. We hear this all the time, and to be honest, it always annoyed me. “Well okay, but that doesn’t help me feel better about my love handles.” But the more I focus on my health, the more I realize that health, not size or weight, is what leads to confidence.

I’m not saying this is going to be a turning point for me, though I hope it is. I’ll still get frustrated and I’ll still struggle. But I think acknowledging the flaw in my approach to weight loss is a good start.

As I was talking to my counselor yesterday, she told me that even calling it “losing weight” could be holding me back. By saying we’re “losing” weight, it’s like we’re letting go of something we don’t want to. We won’t lose something we still want. She said I should focus on calling it “restoring” my body. It takes the focus off of “losing” something, and puts it on what’s important… restoring strength and health.

So I’m not gonna lose weight. I’m going to restore my body.

#MeToo

I was on a walk with my dog and my son the other day. I was pushing Jack’s stroller down this street when I see a man at the end of the road, just standing there smoking. So I make the decision to turn around and go down a different street. When I did this, I stopped and thought “Why am I doing this?” It was the late morning, so it wasn’t dark out and we were surrounded by houses filled with people. We were also in a good neighborhood… so why did I turn around? Am I really that much of a chicken that I can’t walk past a man when I’m alone? He didn’t give me any indication that I should be concerned for my safety. As I was thinking about it, I honestly felt a little ashamed and frankly, a little embarrassed.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. I try to avoid men all the time. And I’m obviously not talking about men I know and trust. But if I’m walking alone, especially outside or downtown, I try to avoid being alone with strange men. Looking back, I’ve basically done this as long as I can remember. But why? Is it stranger danger? But yet, I have no problem approaching strange women or children. Honestly, I have always been scared of men.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized this is not just a me thing. This wasn’t just me being paranoid or scared. This is pretty common among women. Why? Well, honestly, I think it’s become an evolutionary response to years and years of sexual harassment. Since even before having a good set of boobs, we have learned to fear men. I remember being so young and being catcalled by men everywhere. Whether I was walking past a construction site or just walking past older boys at school. I remember one time in middle school, I was walking alone in a hallway when two boys saw me, shouted “SKIRT!” and ran over to me. They tried to box me into a corner and tried to grab me. But before they could get to me, people started coming out of class so they backed off and I got away. I remember being so humiliated and scared. And then, I felt embarrassed that I felt embarrassed. I was a mess.

This is just one example from my childhood where men have made me feel uncomfortable and I can confidently look back at the experience and call it sexual harassment. So when I saw the first “me too” on Facebook, I reflected on my past and was shocked by how much sexual harassment I’ve experienced. And what’s sad is that I hadn’t even considered it to be sexual harassment until now. Before #metoo, I just considered it #beingawoman. Because sexual harassment IS the norm for women. And that’s why #metoo is so important. Just by saying “me too,” we acknowledge a common struggle, and that’s the first step to righting decades of wrong.

There are those who don’t consider this a problem.  And there are those who believe this is just women being too sensitive. The new wave of sexual harassment allegations throughout Hollywood has proven that there is a real problem. However, Hollywood won’t solve the problem. Yes, it’s getting us talking, but the world isn’t Hollywood. Sexual harassment is about all women. It’s not just about actresses. It’s not just about actors or prominent businessmen. It’s about everyday women and everyday men. And there are men whose actions will never be brought out of the darkness.

I want to clarify that this post is not meant to demonize men. My life has been surrounded by good men who I trust and love more than anything. There are good men just as there are also really bad women. Men and women need each other. And just as we need women to have the courage to stand up against harassment, we need these good men to stand up with us. And for those of you men who don’t think this is your fight, think about the women you love. Think about your mother, your wife, your daughter, your best friend. Chances are every single one of them have been sexually harassed at least once. Sexual harassment is everyone’s problem.

Because no woman should be afraid to walk next to a man.

Because no woman should be afraid to wear a skirt.

Because no woman should have to carry a weapon in their purse.

Because no woman should have to fear being alone.

Because no woman should be treated like an object.

Because no woman should have to be catcalled while walking to work.

Because no woman should have to take self-defense classes.

Because no woman should be told to stay silent.

Because no woman should have to say “me too.”

Holiday Toffee Recipe

I’m not lying when I tell you this is the best toffee I have ever had. My mom makes SO many batches of it each year for Christmas and it has people raving. The best thing about this recipe is how simple it is. It requires only four ingredients.

Trust me, you are not going to want to put this stuff down. You won’t be able to have just one piece.

I will provide a few pictures to give you an idea of what the toffee should look like, because it can be a bit tricky to know when it’s ready! Sorry in advance for the crappy pictures of my phone. I couldn’t exactly get out my good camera and take a decent photo when the toffee is time sensitive.

Ingredients:

1 cup of butter (2 cubes)

1 cup of sugar

Almonds

Chocolate chips

Instructions:

1. Cover a cookie sheet with aluminum foil. Spread a layer of chopped or sliced almonds onto the tin foil and set aside.

2. In a medium sauce pan, heat the cubes of butter and sugar on medium-high heat.

3. Stir continuously as the butter melts completely and turns to toffee. You will need to monitor the color and consistency. It will be completely yellow when just melted, then the mixture will begin to froth and start turning into a caramel color.

4. Continue to stir until the mixture is a darker caramel color. But it’s important that the mixture doesn’t burn. Once you start smelling it burn, you’re done.

It should look a little like this or slightly darker.

5. Quickly pour the toffee mixture evenly over the almonds. Make sure to cover most of the almonds because you won’t be able to spread the toffee around.

6. Wait 5 minutes to let the toffee harden (but make sure it’s still hot). Pour chocolate chips on top of toffee.

7. After chocolate chips are melted, spread them around to completely cover the toffee.

8. Put the pan into the fridge (or freezer) to set the toffee.

9. Once completely cooled, break apart the toffee with your hands into smaller pieces.

10. Enjoy!

What Not to Say to a New Mom

 

Being a new mom is hard as hell. And those who try and tell you otherwise either never experienced it, or simply forgot. For me, the first three months of Jack’s life were so difficult. Yes, they were also beautiful, but they also turned me into a low-grade psychopath. While I was in the thick of it all, I received so much love and support from people I love. I am so grateful for that. But with all the love I received, there were also those not-so-loving comments that left me either scratching my head, wondering why someone would say something like that, or left me on the verge of tears. So I thought I’d do a little PSA-type blog post about things you maybe shouldn’t say to a new mom. Because I think it’s important. But I should also say that this is totally opinion-based. So something that may upset one mom may not upset another. But I think it’s good to just be safe.

 

“It just gets harder.”

Talk about unhelpful. Some people think they’re being comforting by saying that this stage of parenthood is not as hard as others, but while you might think this is comforting, it’s absolutely not. Even if you’re right, you want to offer hope to the new mom. You never know what exactly she’s going through. Especially if she’s experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety, she will need support and hope that things will get better, not worse.

Instead, maybe say something like, “It just gets better.” Because even though things may get harder, it’s bound to get easier for the mother to handle because she will be stronger and healthier.

“Every woman has done it.”

This is another phrase that may seem comforting, but can actually be pretty discouraging. Someone once told me, in an attempt to make me feel better, that women have been having babies since the beginning of time, so I should be able to handle it, no problem. It comes naturally to women. And if they can do it, I can do it. Instead of making me feel better, this just kind of made me a little discouraged. It made me feel like I was the first woman in history to struggle with something I should naturally be good at. This may also make a mother feel like her struggles are being downplayed. By telling someone that they’re dealing with something so universal might make them think they don’t have the right to struggle, or that the struggle really isn’t that tough.

Instead, maybe say something like, “What you’re doing is hard.” Leave others out of it. Mothers compare ourselves enough, we don’t need you to help us with that.

“I did my time.”

I can’t even begin to count how many times I was told this by someone who had older kids. I have been told that I won’t get any sympathy for being sleep deprived or miserable because they “did their time” and went through it. So, naturally, they don’t need to have sympathy for me. Cause they already went through it. Ironically, most of the people who have said this to me are men.

Instead, say something comforting and positive. Even if you don’t feel bad for them, just be comforting. And if you are so confident you went through something just as difficult, then you should know how hard it is. And you should know how much a comforting word or thoughtful gesture could mean to them.

“You shouldn’t be in this much pain.”

Ok, this one was one my nurse told me. The second night after giving birth, I was in SO much pain. I literally dreaded having to get up and go to the bathroom because it was such a painful ordeal. That night I just broke down in tears. And when my nurse came to check on me, she literally said. “You only had a 2nd degree tear, you shouldn’t be in this much pain.” Uh, not helpful… because, well, I am in this much pain. Then, I felt totally embarrassed by how much I was hurting. I was going off of maybe 3 hours of sleep in 2 days, so my body wasn’t healing the way it should. So, please, for your own sake, don’t underestimate or downplay how much pain a mother is in. I thought this was common sense, but apparently it’s not.

Instead, say something like, “How can I help you feel better?” Let her know you care.

“You’ll never sleep again.”

One of the worst things you could say to someone who is sleep-deprived is that they will never sleep again. Yes, she knows that she won’t be getting sleep any time soon. But reminding her of that is tactless and rather unhelpful. Sleep deprivation is NO JOKE. It’s awful.

So, instead of reminding your friend that she may not sleep again, offer her comfort. Or, even better, offer to watch her baby so she can take a nap.

 

Well, there you have it. When you were a new mom, what kind of comments annoyed you? If you have something to add, please let me know in the comments. Cause at this point, it is a little amusing.

 

 

 

Chocolate Pumpkin Protein Shake

Fall is not the easiest time of the year to eat healthy… actually, it’s almost impossible. I’m constantly stuck somewhere between wanting to look good and “treat yourself” cause it’s the holidays. So, rather than completely deprive myself, I try and find ways to eat those delicious holiday sweets without over-indulging.

Chocolate and pumpkin is one of my favorite flavor combos. Pumpkin bars, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, etc. So I found a way to satisfy that craving without all the sugar and fat. World please welcome… the Chocolate Pumpkin Protein Shake! So simple, so delicious.

All you need:

Ice cubes

1 scoop chocolate protein powder

1/2 frozen banana

1 tsp cocoa powder

3 tbsp pumpkin puree

milk or almond milk(amount depends on how thick you want your shake)

Instructions: put it all in a blender and BLEND baby!

 

Short post today, but I hope you try it cause I had it this morning and YUM.

What Happens When You Quit Sugar for 30 Days

About a month ago I made the decision to quit sugar for 30 days. I was just so sick of losing control over my sugar cravings. I was working out every day, but still I felt like I wasn’t really feeling any better about myself or improving my health. I was tired of giving in and binging on treats and then finding reasons to justify it. After I would eat a bowl of ice cream and found myself wanting more, I would have this mentality of, “Oh, well, I already screwed up today so I might as well embrace it.” And then I would dish myself up my second (huge) bowl of ice cream.

I was feeling pretty crappy about myself, to be honest. I just felt like I could be doing so much better. And how can I possibly preach about living a healthy lifestyle on my blog and yet let myself fall into this extremely unhealthy cycle? So I made myself a plan. I got a little piece of paper, made a little grid with 30 numbered squares, and put it on my fridge. And each morning, if I was able to go without sweets the day before, I would cross off a box. 30 days later, every box was checked off. And I should probably tell you that I didn’t limit myself completely. I allowed myself two “sweets,” halo-top ice cream and dark chocolate chips. Honestly, I just needed something sweet after dinner.

So, after 30 days without sweets, this is what happened to my body.

I had more energy.

Once I became a mother, energy has become this allusive thing that I can’t seem to grasp. I feel like that totally random kid from the third Harry Potter movie: “It’s like trying to catch smoke. It’s like trying to catch smoke with my bare hands…” Cue the dramatic music and dark clouds. Turns out that it’s almost impossible to have energy when you barely sleep. And I have struggled for the past 7 months with getting enough sleep, so all day I would be dragging my feet. But for the past 30 days, I found myself with so much more energy. I would be able to get up in the morning with Jack and immediately start my day. I found myself wanting to do more every day. I would take my dog on long walks and I was able to get so much more done around the house. I actually found myself wanting to play and entertain my son. Honestly, with so much less sugar in my diet, I felt better than I have in over a year.

My workouts got easier.

Ok, this is a lie. My workouts didn’t get easier. They actually stayed the same. But I got stronger. My workouts just seemed easier. With the increased energy, I was able to really get so much more out of my workouts. I was no longer just trying to get through a workout. I started challenging myself and my strength. Exercise started to be much more effective when I had a better diet.

I felt good about myself.

Whew, this one is hefty. Like most women, I struggle with despicably low self-esteem. And when you add a postpartum body to the equation, and you get 7 months of agonizingly little self-confidence. And though I still had moments of doubt, I finally felt a little bit better about myself. I started to notice positive changes to my body. I started to appreciate not only what I looked like, but what I could do. I finally felt like my goals were possible and that was extremely freeing.

I stopped craving sweets.

I’ve heard that it takes 21 days to kick a bad habit or to create a good one. And I don’t know how true that is, but I can definitely say that after you quit sugar for even a few days, you start to crave it less. I’m not saying that I didn’t ever want sweets. There were moments. Like, when my sweet mother-in-law sent us a Halloween care package with a huge bag of Kit-Kats in it. Oh, I wanted to eat that whole bag. But I found my resolve was stronger than my desire. I let my husband eat them all, promising myself I would get myself some Kit-Kats once the 30 days were up. So, even when I found myself wanting sugar, it was over within moments. Whereas before, when I wanted sugar, I couldn’t stop thinking about it until I satisfied that craving. Cravings can be really powerful so it was nice to learn that I can be even more so.

 

Now what?

When I finished the 30 days, I was so proud of myself. So, this last weekend I let myself as many sweets as I wanted… and guess what happened? I was tired, sluggish, and disappointed in myself. So what now? How do I find that middle ground? I don’t believe in completely depriving ourselves of things, because that eventually leads to us binging. But if I don’t restrict myself at all, I can’t seem to control myself. So, while I wish I could say I have a solution to this problem, I don’t. Wouldn’t it be nice if we were all just really good at moderation? Though I still haven’t nailed it, these last 30 days has proved pretty game-changing. Now that I’ve experienced the benefits of life without excessive sugar consumption, I’m going to do whatever I can to feel that way all the time without depriving myself completely of what I love.

I hope this inspires you to give this a try. I promise it will benefit you greatly. And if you try it and you find that your quality of life hasn’t improved at all, you can hold me responsible and I’ll make you brownies.

 

My Favorite Baby Products (And My Least Favorite)

When you first get pregnant, or start the adoption process, or even when you start consider parenthood, it can be so overwhelming thinking about all that you will need. I remember scrolling through Pinterest at all the “what you need for baby” infographics and lists and just being so amazed by how much you need. So. Much. Stuff. And to be honest, half of it is probably unnecessary. I remember also being so overwhelmed by the different brands and products of each thing I needed. Like, I had no idea how many different types of bottles there were. Or baby baths. Or swaddles. And when you think you got the best of the best, or what you think will be perfect for your situation, your baby decides to throw your expectations for a loop and you have to adapt.

I’ve had a few friends ask me for some recommendations on baby products that I used/loved, and also on what I didn’t use/love. So I thought I’d make a blog post out of it in case some of you readers are on the road to parenthood, or know someone who is and need a few ideas for baby shower gifts. But also, keep in mind that some of these things won’t work for every baby. As I said before, you don’t always get the baby you planned for. For me, I had to adjust and buy some things I didn’t think I needed because my baby dealt with reflux and was constantly moving.

But without further ado, here are some of my favorite products:

Mamaroo

Why it’s great: The Mamaroo is amazing. It’s a little spendy, but we were lucky enough to get one second hand and Jack loved it. It’s a baby swing that has 5 different motions and sounds, and kind of looks like a little baby spaceship. This was great for Jack because for a long time, he couldn’t sleep on his back because his reflux was so bad, so he actually slept in his Mamaroo because of the incline.

Find it here.

Swaddleme swaddles

These were so helpful for us because Jack was such a wiggly baby and he just undid every other swaddle we used on him. The Swaddleme has velcro that helps secure your baby and helps the swaddle stay on. I would highly recommend these if you have a busy baby.

Find them here.

LOTS of binkies

So this is just a reminder to get plenty of binkies. Because they are allusive AF. Those little things get lost so easily, and you do not want to find yourself in a situation where you don’t have one. I try and keep one in almost every room of the house (and in the diaper bag).

Jack’s favorites are soothies.

Puj Tub

This was the best baby bath ever. It fits right in your sink, and isn’t bulky so it’s easy to store. I just hang it on the wall in the bathroom.

Find it here.

Halo Bassinest

This is a great bassinet. It has an adjustable height, and it swivels so you don’t have to move to get your baby out in the middle of the night. It’s also great for C-Section mamas who have a longer recovery.

Find it here.

Onsies with mitten cuffs

I wish I knew this before Jack. He was always scratching his cute little face and it made me super sad. Some onsies come with little mitten cuffs you can fold over your babies hands to keep them from scratching. I found this easier than cutting their nails… that scared me too much.

Find some here.

Baby lotion

I wish I bought more of this for his newborn stage. After birth, baby’s skin get so dry!

Find some here.

Jogger

I chose jogger over stroller for the versatility. I love how smooth a ride my jogger is. And with a simple adapter, I was able to attach the carseat as well. It’s great for long walks and running (if that’s your thing).

This is the jogger I got. It’s awesome.

Johnson’s sleepy time baby bath kit

This stuff rocks. It’s proven to help calm your baby and get him/her ready for bed. Also, and most importantly, it smells incredible.

Find it here.

Portable bouncer

Although I had the Mamaroo, I needed a more portable bouncer that I could take on trips or even just take up to the bathroom to put him in so I could shower. You can get a good one for cheap that still gets the job done.

This is the one I bought and we love it.

Activity Jumper

You definitely don’t need this right away. This is for when your baby is at least 4 months old. Jack loves this jumper. It’s so useful when you need a break. Just plop your baby in there and let him play while you rest on the couch or do the dishes. And it’s also great for your baby’s motor skill development and their leg strength.

This is the one I bought.

Video monitor

I love our monitor. I knew I wanted one with video because as a first time mom, I want to be able to see and hear my baby at all times. This one is pretty decently priced and gives you a pretty clear image. It also allows you to move the camera remotely and talk to your baby from your screen. I also love that it tells you the temperature of the room as well, which is important when your baby can’t use blankets in their bed.

This is the one we have.

Fawn Design diaper bag

These may be spendy, but they are super trendy so it doesn’t even feel like a diaper bag. There are lots of pockets and the material is easy to clean.

Find it here.

 

Ok, now that I’ve given you a long list of things I love, here is a shorter list of things I did not like or did not use.  No, these may work for you… they just didn’t for me.

  1. Baby wipe warmer. I barely used this. It’s just really unnecessary. And because I barely used it, the wipes all dried up so they were useless. A cold wipe is not gonna make your baby mad. They’ll be fine.
  2. Bulky portable changing pad. Honestly, you don’t want to have to carry around more than you have to. And this thing can really eat up space in your diaper bag. I found that a thin blanket even does the trick if you have to change a diaper away from home.
  3. Blooming Baby Bath. This was  not my best purchase. I bought it cause it was just so darn cute, but it really doesn’t function well for a newborn. The structure is not sturdy so I had to keep holding Jack up while bathing him. Your baby will just kind of sink into it. It may work for an older baby with better lumbar strength, but at that point, they can probably just go in the tub anyways.
  4. Huggies Diapers. This one might be strange but for some reason, these diapers leaked all the time. Maybe they didn’t fit right, I’m not sure. But Pampers are so much better and rarely ever leak.

 

Well that’s all folks! I hope you find this helpful! And if you have some good recommendations, add them in the comments!

My Favorite Lunch Wrap

turkey wrap

We all know that turkey, bacon, and avocado taste amazing together. But did you know that adding a little cranberry sauce makes it even more amazing? Well, it does. Turkey and cranberry sauce are the star cross lovers at the Thanksgiving table. Yes, I know it’s October… but this doesn’t need to be a Thanksgiving thing. I say we have turkey and cranberry sauce all year round.

This wrap is so delicious, so easy, and healthy! It literally takes like, 5 minutes to whip together. It’s a perfect go-to for a busy day. Also, it would be great in a kid’s school lunchbox!

So here is what you need…

Ingredients:

1 whole wheat tortilla

4-6 slices of deli style turkey

1/2 avocado, smashed

salt and pepper to taste

2 tbsp cranberry sauce

2 strips bacon (I use turkey-bacon)

handful of spinach

Instructions:

  1. Put it all in the tortilla. It’s so simple, my husband could make it 😉

 

Useful tip: If you’re pressed for time, use pre-cooked bacon and just warm it up.

 

Enjoy!

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A New Focus

Blog photo here!Well, I’m back! I haven’t posted since April and before then, I didn’t really post consistently for like a year. But I’ve decided to come back, and with a complete new focus. I recently read the book You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero. It is an amazing book, and I started reading it because one of my favorite bloggers wrote about how awesome and inspiring it was. So, I clicked “add to cart” on Amazon and was determined to see what the fuss was about. I read it over the course of a week or so and LOVED it. It was the self-help book I needed. It wasn’t preachy or cheesy, and had the perfect balance of motivation and humor. I think I was inspired to read it because everything I read seemed to be an answer to my most recent huge burning questions.

See, lately I’ve been feeling stuck in this deep rut. For the last year and a half, I have been focusing on my pregnancy and then my new baby. Motherhood hit me like a steamroller with no regards to my well-being. Yes, I love my little kiddo more than ANYTHING, but contrary to what some might believe, motherhood is effin’ hard! I spent nine months throwing up, nursing an aching back, crying at cheese commercials, and struggling to get out of bed. Then, one day, I push a small human out of my body. Then, as I’m holding my child and basking in his glory, My doctor is *down there* SEWING me up because that sweet boy had no regard to my anatomy and tore right through me. And after a few days in the hospital, the nurses give me some ice packs and a few “how to mother” forms and send me home. So for the last six months, all I’ve been trying to do is simply survive. Trying to learn how to be a mother, failing at breastfeeding, dealing with a colicky baby, healing my body, and trying to pick up the debris from every mental breakdown. So, during all that time, I had very little concept of “me.” Everything was about that sweet little boy and though I wouldn’t have it any other way, I feel like it’s time to regain my individuality. It’s time to focus a teensy tiny little bit on me. So when I picked up You Are A Badass, I was desperately hoping I could gain some insight into what I wanted to do with my time (when I have some). The book is all about letting go of all your unwanted fears and anxieties and get to work on what you really want to do. She made me understand that everything I want is possible, all I need to do is take the leap of faith, work hard, and believe in what I’m doing. Once I do that, I can have the life I’ve always wanted.

So what does this mean for my new blog? Well, when I started blogging a few years ago, my goal was to become the next Cara Loren, a beautiful fashion blogger from Utah. Really, I tried to be someone I wasn’t. I tried to be the girl whose photos would be pinned over and over on pinterest with comments like “goals!” and “omg I want to be her!” Yeah, it makes me cringe a little to say this because it’s kind of taboo to talk about wanting to be well-known. And, it’s a pretty vain goal to have. So, of course I stopped blogging after a while… I wasn’t being true to myself! I got tired of keeping up with a blog that wasn’t true to my real passions.

About a month ago, I suffered from a major mental breakdown. It was so bad I ended up in the hospital because I couldn’t help but want to harm myself. It was the worst time in my life. And I mean, the absolute worst. I would relive my knee injury over and over again rather than feel what I felt that week again. Anyway, I came out of it realizing I needed to take better care of myself, mentally and physically. I started making that a focus and the more I did, the more I realized how much the idea of wellness means to me. And I realized this was my passion. Fitness, wholesome food, and good energy. So, with that, I realized I needed to start blogging again. This time, with another focus. Wellness and just being me. I’m not going to try and force anything, but simply share the things I love and hope that a few people will appreciate that. I will be focusing on healthy food recipes, fitness, good thoughts, creativity, and happy moments.

Here’s to starting fresh.

 

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Different Beauty

Hi all!

One of my fitness idols posted something on instagram that I thought was interesting. She said, “Just because you don’t look like someone you think is attractive, doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive. Flowers are pretty, but so are Christmas lights and they look nothing alike.” And while instagram quotes can be a little corny, this one actually struck me. I was thinking about it and I started to truly realize the different kinds of beauty. While someone may be a flower, I may be a Christmas light. I may not have the flower-like body, but I may be a shining light that brings joy in a different way. This is why it is so important not to compare yourself to another person’s beauty, because it would be so silly to compare your bright Christmas light beauty to a beautiful pink flower.

This is all I really wanted to say. A little happy thought to keep you going and keep me going as well. I also wanted to show off my little black dress :). It’s from Piper & Scoot (the cutest store ever), and it feels like I’m wearing a nightgown and I love it. Find it here, they have so many different colors! And it’s only $28 bucks! Such a steal!

blackdress2 blackdress

xoxo

Kelsi

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